Lost Dream.

Unlike like any other, this one really made me sweat. It took place 2 nights ago in the middle of an early Monday morning.

I had no idea of what year, month, day nor time it was. All I knew was that everything was crumbling. The weather was as if it had a fickle mind of its own. It grew so hot, and then all of a sudden it grew cold. So cold that even the air you breathe out is visible. Where I was standing is where I am now. But everything seemed so different. The entire city changed. Even the ocean seems to have refilled itself, like it’s trying to swallow the entire land.

I remember standing somewhere high above. Like a tall ship or a tall building. I remember seeing Amanda next to me. Smiling, laughing, as if it was a typical hang out we usually have. I think I saw other friends of mine standing next to me and Amanda. They were laughing and joking along with the two of us. Their voices were somehow recognizable but their faces were a blur. And then I recall water all around us. It was windy. But everything became a little off. Everything started to sway. The building or the ship we were standing on started to rock. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. I looked around. Everyone was still laughing.

That’s when happened. The gentle sways became violent. The wind became harsh. Everything was as if it was about to tumble over. I looked at my friends and then at Amanda. Her face fell. Everyone had stopped playing. No more laughter’s. For a moment, all I heard was silence. Then everything started to move in slow motion. I saw panic in all directions. I saw everyone trying to jump to a nearby building-like structure. So I started doing the same. The last thing I saw was Amanda stretching out a hand to help me. I felt myself reaching for her hand. Then I noticed everyone started to disappear. Everything around me was becoming a blur. I looked up at Amanda again. Slowly, she was blending into the unrecognizable background. Like water washing away a smudge of water colour. And then it’s gone. Vanished.

The next thing I knew, I was with my family. I didn’t really have a good look at their faces, but I knew it was them. It was weird. The weather by then had covered everything in snow. The day had turned into a rich dark blue sky that surrounded the entire place from where I was standing. We were in some sort of shelter that protected us from the snow and from what was going on beyond the shelter. Through a tiny window, I saw the city lights from a distance. It was not the same anymore. No more colourful lights. But the city still glows with bright orange coloured lights like how I used to see it from my apartment’s rooftop except that, now, the lights are replaced by fire instead.

The next thing I remembered was seeing members from my church outside my family’s shelter. My parents and I went out to help them while my younger brother and sister stayed in. Well, I think they stayed in because I didn’t see them anywhere outside. Anyway, I felt myself happy to see them but somehow, I felt that something was missing. I couldn’t really remember what happened after that, but the next thing I saw was the group of us, my family and some of my church members, seated outside in the snow around a camp fire. We were all talking about our past, joking about stuff that happened in our lives and what not.

I also remember seeing two faces that I’m very sure to recognize anywhere. Monica Khoo and Hong Chien, were also seated around the camp fire talking to my family. I also recalled Hong Chien saying something which was so clear at that time but now it’s all just a blur. But that’s not what I’m trying to figure out at the moment. While we were still gathered around the camp fire, I felt myself actually still wondering what was actually missing. It was like something I knew wasn’t right. Then, it hit me. It was someone that was missing. Someone wasn’t in the picture.

With an unknown cause, the scene suddenly changes. I suddenly found myself growing more and more anxious of this missing person. I couldn’t rest until I knew he was safe. I tried using a cell but at every attempt, it ends with an annoying engaged tone. I felt myself crying so hard like a hopeless child. No one knew where he was. In a big city, it would be like looking for a needle in a hay sack. Hoping and hoping yet impossibility still hugs your hope. The feeling was horrible. It was as if someone had taken away your limbs to walk. You can’t move anywhere. Just like how you can never move on in life till you find this other part of you to feel whole again.

That was all the emotions I felt gushed into me all at once. It was suffocating. I couldn’t stand it. Everything started to spin and it all grew dark. I closed my eyes. Silence again.

When I opened my eyes, I was in a car. I saw my family again. This time, I didn’t’ see the church members with us. At the back seat of the car where I was seated, I stared through the windows of the car up into the night sky where it was still painted in dark blue. At first I thought I saw falling stars. But as I waited for it to disappear, it continued to fall and fall and fall and fall. Then only did I notice that those weren’t falling stars. They were the planes that were flying in all directions in the sky. I remembered asking my dad why there were so many planes everywhere. As if he actually spoke to me recently, audibly still fresh in my head, my dad told me, “It’s because, up till now, they are still fighting the war.”

As soon as he said that, everything faded away again.

The next thing I knew, I was in my room lying on my bed, sweating. Without thinking straight, I grabbed my phone and left Zhe a text to see if he was still awake. Thank God he was! He called me the very next second. When I heard his voice, I burst into tears. Everything started pouring out so fast; I couldn’t control my sobs even when Zhe tried calming me down several times. The dream felt so real! All that had happened felt as if I was really there. I felt as if Zhe disappeared forever without a single trace! Even the emotions seemed too real!

It all felt like I was at the edge of the end; and the person who has always been there for me was no where to be seen. Even with my family in sight, I still felt alone. If you saw what I saw, and felt what I felt, you’d be also asking yourself.

"Where are you?”

“Where is God?”